The topic this week on Life Out Loud: Roots. If this was talk radio the title of the show would be "Your Thirties Should Come with a Warning Sign!!!" I mean seriously, what the heck happened??? I am baffled. Mere weeks ago I was planning a life of adventure, simple living, working for myself, and seeing the world! How is it then that I am even considering this totally foreign concept of planting some roots? And I am not talking about a plant here and a tree there...I am talking about a whole freaking metaphorical farm: trees and plants and animals, and ahhhhh...I am exhausted just thinking about it. Somebody must have slipped something in my Pinot Noir? Why didn't anybody warn me that these creepy crawly little thoughts of settling down would slowly sneak their way into my head? I demand a refund!!!
But wait, calm down...
Ok, this could be something. I could quite possibly be on the brink of exploring something vast with all sort of hidden potential, right? Putting down roots doesn't mean I have to give up my adventures.
Maybe I can have both? Settling down quiets the soul enough to seek adventure for the sake of adventure, not for the sake of escape. I always wanted to escape. Leave the conformity of society, be a vagabond, do it differently...never stop. But all of a sudden this doesn't seem quite as appealing anymore, it just seems a little lonely. But, how do I find a balance with my need to explore and my longing for a place to rest?
I want a life of simplicity , I want to work for myself, surround myself with awesome + ness people, and generally just enjoy each day. I want to travel, see the world, meet more awesome + ness people and have amazing experiences in far away lands. BUT, I also want a home. At the end of the day, month, year, trip, etc...I want a place to come home to, with people who know and love me, and comfort and familiarity. Furthermore, I want a reason to come home. Don't get me wrong, the inner wanderlust in me will never die, I just understand now that home really is where the heart is.
I haven't felt home for a long time. I have felt lost, trying to find my way and make sense of it all; and I had planned to stay lost. I would travel, move, and never really commit to a life that kept me in one place too long. I always got antsy within a year of each job and every time I made a change it was usually drastic. New job meant new career path. Transition meant "vacation to new place needed stat". And I did just that. I traveled, met interesting people, experienced new things, worked too many jobs to count, and had too many career paths to mention. It was great, and exciting, but like bottomless vessel. When the adventure was over I was never comfortable just living. I always had another scheme brewing, another trip or change to plan. I felt like a nomad crossing the planes of life never really knowing where to land.
But now....now I know exactly where I want to land...and there is green chili, mountains, family, and sunshine.
For the first time I don't feel blocked from doing something long term. I am not hesitant to take a job that could lead toward a career, or start my own business that I can watch grow with this beautiful city, or even buy a house. I feel like I could put down a few roots...and I am OK with that.
After marinating on this concept of home, and putting down some roots, I have come to the conclusion that: A lack of grounding leaves one plagued with a fear of life commitment...searching for the perfect place to land, but never knowing in which direction to look. It leaves you lost at sea without a compass, just hoping you land on your Island Bliss.
Just as in life, an architect can design a dream home, but without a good plot of land and solid foundation, the blueprints are worthless. You can dream it, but if the heart is still looking for that place to rest...will you ever really build it????
